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598 Posts
Colder than a well digger's ass.

Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.

Hotter than a half fu&^ed fox in a forest fire.

Sweating like a ni^%er trying to read.

Sweating like a whore in church on confession day.

Sweating like a ni^&er in a three piece suit in court.

Slicker than snail shit.

Slicker than snot on a hot tin roof.

Slicker than goose shit on a pump handle.

He's so dumb he don't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

He's so dumb he couldn't find his ass with both hands, three mirrors and a flashlight.

Talking to you is like talking to that tree over there.

That's like putting an elevator in an outhouse - it just don't belong.

That's dumber than a screen door in a submarine.

That tractor/truck/car/whatever runs like a raped ape.

That field's so rough I was bouncing around like a whore on a sack of apples.

That truck rides as bad as a lumber wagon.

And a few more I just caint seem to remember...years of farming and trucking has let me hear lots of them.
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